Quite a bit's changed, really, since I last updated. My grandfather passed away very suddenly on 23rd November and the family's been devastated. I feel like I should put something profound about him here, but there's not much point, because out of everyone reading this, I'm probably the only one who actually knew him, and I know how much he meant to everyone. I was lucky to get so far into adulthood with all of my grandparents, and lucky that I saw them all so often, and lucky that, apart from loving them, I actually liked them all and genuinely enjoyed spending time in their company.
The funeral's on Monday, so I'm home for the second weekend in a row. I'm feeling better than I did this time last week, and most of the time, I'm getting on with things as normal, but grief seems to have a habit of creeping up on you at random. The day after it happened, I went into work and tried to pretend nothing had happened, but I sat down and realised I couldn't remember anybody's name. I'd only been there a week, but I had memorised the name of everyone in my department, but on that Thursday, I really wasn't coping and my mind had gone blank. So I told work, and they've been really good. I wasn't really prepared for the physical side of grief though.The memory lapses have been continuing occasionally and it's been a bit of a struggle to carry on at work. I mean, it would have been a struggle anyway, because there are so many things to remember, but it's even harder to keep on top of things at the moment. I keep making stupid mistakes, and nobody's blamed me, but I've been harsh on myself.
I moved into my new flat on Sunday. Which has brought with it a whole range of problems. I've had to sort out taking over payment of bills in my lunch (half) hour, because I have no other free time, and this means I haven't spent much social time with people in my department, so I'm worried they think I'm avoiding them. Setting up a phone line and broadband is a mystery to me, so I've got to sort that out too. My to-do list is horrifically long, and I'm hardly in the flat anyway because the buses are stupid and I have to leave at 8am and don't get back till 6.30, whereupon I collapse in a heap on my uncomfortable sofabed. And the bathroom door is stiff and I nearly locked myself in. And there are fridge, boiler, and washing machine problems. And my mobile's stopped working. And it's sometimes just quite lonely coming back to an empty house. It's nice in a way because I can sit on my bed and eat pizza and dip the crusts in hummus and nobody will judge me, but also, I need help with sorting all these things out.
I do feel a bit like I've aged several years in the last couple of weeks, anyway.
(this may all sound worrying. I'm just venting. I am fine. Just stressed)