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IT WOULDN'T STOP PRODUCING POPCORN. I CANNOT LEAVE THE HOUSE BECAUSE IT IS FULL OF POPCORN.
One advantage to possibly- very possibly- getting one of those 'mortgages' in the next half-decade would be that I'd get to fill my house not with popcorn, but with FERRETS. I go through phases of looking at pictures of adorable ferrets online, then thinking 'It wouldn't be so hard to keep a pet ferret', then remembering that ferrets eat almost exclusively meat and can't survive on the vegetarian diet to which I strictly adhere, then experiencing emotional devastation because I'd already picked out a name/little outfit for said ferret. This has happened several times. I could avoid a lot of misery if I remembered that ferrets eat meat.
Maybe I will get a tortoise instead.
Or possibly a baby.
I am only writing all this to avoid putting together a small dossier of evidence that will hopefully defeat Evil Former Letting Agents once and for all, and get me the remainder of my deposit back. I am also dying my hair. And listening to my beloved Dubliners.
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