I went inside a gym for the very first time yesterday. No, I hadn't lost my way/mistaken it for a cake shop (mmmm cake shop). I went there to do exercise, namely bouldering. It's way more fun than more conventional gym exercise. I wasn't that good at it. I got to the top a couple of times, but only on the really easy routes. Still, I want to learn to get better at it, so I will be returning next week. If my arms ever feel like they'll work again. They're not aching quite as badly as I expected, but pain is there. I can't wait till I get really good at climbing and can hang from the ceiling etc.
So things are all good on the surface.But like the opposite of a u-boat in a storm (where things are really calm below the surface but mental above it), I'm mental below the surface. I'm having what I'd call a 'difficult patch' and what I'd like to define as a blip rather than a relapse. And I wish I knew why, because last time I went mental, at least I had the excuse of having a miserable job and a miserable flat and a generally less-than-happy living situation. But in this case, there is nothing wrong. I'm more content than I've been in years, so why this translates into 'let's suddenly have panic attacks during the day again, lol, Trollbrain' or 'let's be really sad when nothing is wrong' is beyond me. It's inconvenient at best. Terrifying at worst. But I shall get through it, even if it means a return to the doctor.

Now I shall spend the evening googling bouldering tactics. Along with paintballing, this will be my hobby to prevent sideways expansion. It is brilliant that I can fool myself into being healthy by pretending to be in training to be a spy.

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