I am hardy full of self-hate at all today. I woke up after a really, really realistic dream that I was in labour. The contractions felt real, although never having been in actual labour, I wouldn't know. This isn't something that would normally cause such calmness, is it? Especially as I woke up before having the baby, which is the WHOLE POINT of being in labour. In other news, I really, really need to have a baby quite soon. My mother is clearing out all the old clothes in the attic but is keeping baby clothes 'just in case one day, you make me a grandmother'. THE WOMAN HAS ONLY JUST TURNED 50. But at the same time, I'd quite like to have a baby, right now.
Where were we? Ah yes, the fact that I woke up feeling…what's that word…happy? I even woke up in time to go to church, which rarely happens, and then managed to get all my shopping and cleaning and washing done, so I had the rest of the day to do what I wanted. I trolled around the Alnwick International Music festival, which looked like a lot of fun. Trundled off to Barter Books for a quick browse. I've said it before, but it's so nice to be just 5 minutes away from such a brilliant shop. They had a Max and Moritz book translated from Plattdeutsch into Shetlandese. I have not bought it, because I don't do impulse buying, but I am considering it. Max and Moritz bought back memories of my Plattdeutsch lessons back in Ollnborg.
I've done quite a bit of work on my Swedish Memrise course this weekend too. It's starting to sink in (more than Mongolian, at any rate, which is a right pain currently). Most of my dreams, bar the last one where I was in labour, now feature a small amount of Swedish, although it's usually me just hearing parts of a conversation or mishearing or somehow not quite understanding. I'm feeling as though I'm getting somewhere, which bodes well for my 'go and work for some Swedish hippies plan'. What bodes less well is my fear that said hippies will try to kill me.
Yesterday I dealt less well with how busy Alnwick was; I did my shopping and was so stressed that I had to return to my house quickly and clean ALL THE THINGS. I managed to find some woodworm treatment stuff, though, and have thus hopefully rid myself of that particular problem, even if killing the poor little things made me feel very guilty and upset (even to the point of being a bit tearful, so it's a good job I'm not admitting that, because people that soft are expelled from the north-east). To make up for my rampant killing, I bought a bird feeder:

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I'm hoping it'll attract cool birds like albatrosses and vultures and kestrels, but my avian knowledge tells me this is unlikely.

Also I dyed my hair with 'Naturtint', a different brand from the one I normally use, which contains no ammonia. It smells a lot less strong and the results seem to be more or less the same. I think I shall continue to use this brand.
I'm hoping that a reason for my calmness is that I've also been working a bit on my anxiety management modules. It's a bit of a paradox, really- in order to control my anxiety, I have to believe that I can control it. In order to believe that I can control it, though, I have to be controlling it. Otherwise I don't believe it. Like I said, I think it's a matter of faith. I tried some of the techniques today when I was feeling anxious for no proper reason, and it seems to have worked in the short term. Not sure it's responsible for my zenlike state across the whole day, but whatevs. It's nice to feel like this once in a while.

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