A difficult time in your life
It feels odd to be writing about it now I'm in a different (subclinical!) mindset, and I'm almost worried that writing about it will make me sad or will make other people sad, so I'll put it under a cut.
I have a theory that everyone goes through a time in their life when it feels like life is repeatedly stamping on their face, and for me it was late November 2011 until about…May 2012? Thereabouts? I was exactly a week into my first 'proper job' in a new part of the country when my grandpa passed away very suddenly, so along with all the worries and changes that come with a new job, which I normally find tricky to cope with anyway, I had a massive pile of pure grief. I'd never really been bereaved before either, so I didn't know that it was normal that I was forgetting basic things and really struggling at work. I thought there was something very wrong with me, because it was my custom to turn everything inward whether they were my fault or not. And even though my family and friends were supportive, I didn't know anyone where I was working and I just remember returning back to my horrible flat on the evening of the funeral and wishing I wasn't by myself. Which isn't something I wish very often, because I am a mega-introvert. And THEN over the next few weeks, lots of comparatively little things went wrong – my laptop broke three times (charger, hard drive and possibly hard drive again if I remember rightly), costing me lots of money and cutting me off from the various social networks I inhabit to keep in touch with people. The boiler in my flat broke, leaving me without hot water for three weeks. Some water in my flat leaked into the shop below, causing the shop owner to complain to my letting agents (with little effect, sadly). The washing machine flooded my kitchen. Lightbulbs in my flat kept blowing and then getting stuck when I tried to remove them to change them. The ridiculous Saniflo toilet broke many times and my letting agents were helpful and understanding each time I mentioned all these issues to them, lol jk, they acted like it was all my fault and told me off for the number of call-outs. My bike (that I rode to work each day) broke a couple of times and there were no repair shops within walking distance, and obviously I couldn't cycle there, nor take the bus because they DO NOT ALLOW BIKES. While all this was happening in my personal life, I was having a miserable time at work too, dealing with one manager who was a bully and another who knew about the bullying but was too much of a coward to do anything about it. I ended up making a complaint, which was scary. And I remember my wisdom tooth flaring up for the first time on Christmas Eve and me being like 'REALLY, LIFE? COULD YOU NOT JUST GIVE IT A REST FOR JUST A FEW DAYS? REALLY? REALLY?', because I quite often talk to life like that. And also because toothache makes me grumpy.
I didn't really have an inspirational recovery from all this, because my life is not TECHNICALLY a film. I went to Sweden in February (just after my hard drive failed and my fridge broke completely, causing a massive argument with the letting agents who assumed it was my fault even though I'd TOLD them it was a bit broken right from the start) and, as with all my trips to Sweden, this made me happy. I had a daytrip to Sheffield to see Nice People, seeing as how I wasn't really getting on in my posh village of woe since they look at you funny if you don't wear A GILLET AND UGG BOOTS. I got to know a few of my colleagues better, which made things easier at work. I had a couple of every important revelations, the first being that I couldn't keep going through life having entire patches of it that are so bad that I prefer not to even mention them in later years, so I went to the doctor to discuss my sanity levels, which are now much-improved. The second was that even though my personal life had got much better, I still hated my job, so I got another one that has proven to be more suited to me in a part of the country that I like (where they don't make fun of you in the staff kitchen if you use the words 'well' or 'proper' as intensifiers).