Lolz totes overslept this morning, woken only by the plaintive ringing of my doorbell by my little trolleague Alastair. I'm always so annoyed with myself when I do stuff like this. I made up for it, in my own mind, by being no more than 2 minutes late for work despite waking an hour later than I should. Got ready in ten minutes FOR THE WIN.
I just came back from the doctor. I'm to be on my 30mg of Sanity Snack Citalololz until the spring. I'd asked if I could come off it, like, now, but nooooo. I'm slightly disappointed because I wanted to be coming off them entirely by spring and had happy visions of Sane Katie moving to Amble, establishing a chinchilla sanctuary and volunteering with the RNLI and being worthwhile instead of insane. But he made a good point, really, which was that I was still 'brittle', and I admitted that if something similar happened at work to shake my confidence again, my mind would snap again, but probably worse than it did before. He was kind and said that most successful people are 'brittle'. Which I'm not sure is the case – I reckon anyone can suffer from mental health problems, whether you're mega-successful, a total failure or anywhere in between, but still, it was nice of him to say. I told him about my holiday to Swedenmark (because I tell EVERYONE about my happy jaunts) and he said that sounded like a great way of developing stuff to concentrate on outside of work. So my love of Sweden has been officially endorsed by a medical professional. Just wanted to put that in writing. Also, by the spring, I might have AN ALLOTMENT, which I think will be good for me. Not quite as good as having a baby to nurture instead of A MILLION VEGETABLES, but nearly.
Merrily watched the penultimate episode of Sharpe with some trolleagues last night. I had a revelation. I started watching Sharpe because I have a deep and sincere appreciation of Sean Bean's beauty, but also, the WHOLE THING is like a socialist allegory. All of the enemies he encounters are posh people who think he's got ideas above his station, and they're WAY more deadly than the French. Perhaps I am overthinking this. But then I thought of how mad I am and it's like, all of my breakdowns have happened due to goings on at work. I always assumed that I'd been issued with a dodgy brain, like Thorleif I the faulty Nexus. Maybe I have been, but also, SURELY capitalism and the relentless pursuit of wealth, and the way people put wealth above compassion, must all play a part in how people are breaking down more and more often. SURELY. I know I sound like an ancient Soviet, as is my constant aim. But I think I am right. I might randomly appear behind people and shout 'THE LOVE OF MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL' to surprise them. This would be a great way of getting my point across.