I had Very First Sick Day today, although I think this is less to do with being 'a mighty and health Vikingesque woman' and more to do with 'being terrified of the phone and thus unable to have called in sick previously when maybe I should have done before'.There comes a point, though, where things just aren't going to get better overnight, especially there when there isn't much of the night left because you've been sitting awake in a state of terror because you're worried about everything from your own existence to the fact that you've not got round to changing that lightbulb yet.
I spent until noon trying to persuade myself to move out of bed, then another half hour trying to persuade myself to switch the heating on (THE BUTTON IS A MERE 6 STEPS FROM MY BED), and then to get in the shower, then to get dressed. Had the emergency appointment after 4pm and managed to tell Kind Doctor stuff I've not really been able to talk about before, albeit with much tears, so sorrow, such weeping, wow. I'm going to troll to work tomorrow but not put too much pressure on myself or expect too much of myself. I felt better after the appointment (have another one in a couple of weeks) and did some of that 'eating' the sane people are so fond of. Spoke to my mum and to little friend Alastair too, so overall am feeling a lot better now than I was this afternoon.
I think I'm going to have to readjust my expectations in terms of where I get help. Work's the only thing I'm stressing about (well, that and whether I exist/whaling in the Faroe Islands/the role of religion in society/that lightbulb I haven't changed) so that's where I went to for help, but so far that's only made things much, much worse because everything gets more complicated, I feel like everyone's having a go at me, and whenever I try and speak out, I'm worried I'm not getting taken seriously because they know I'm a mentalist. So I am not going to talk to them about my health anymore. LUCKILY there are other sources of Trollsupport. If anything else, the last few days have reinforced my knowledge that I have Most Excellent Friends who will ensure that I do things like 'remember to eat' and who'll ask me how I am without expecting the answer to always be 'fine thanks'. I've also considered possibly emailing the Samaritans (ringing them is more traditional, I know, but this is me), and shall also be revisiting 'pesky CBT people'. Who aren't at all pesky, they're nice, I just like the word pesky.

APART FROM GOING MAD, I trolled round Hulne Park with little Alastair yesterday. He forced me to go up a hill (that might be a slight lie), and I repaid him by complaining the entire way. You would never think that I grew up in a place that is partly famous for the hills it has (ALSO FOR ELGAR ❤ ❤ ❤ I HEART ELGAR). We had had Turkish coffee before the walk and all in all it was a nice way to spend a Sunday. The views were also 'not bad':

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That gate is PROPER COOL. You can find better pictures of it here or by googling 'burial ground hulne park', and the fact that the highlight of my weekend was getting excited about the gate to a burial ground is NO WAY indicative of my mental state.
Yes. Tomorrow I shall try to be wise, stop trying to impress people and do this 'lunch break' thing everyone's so fond of, and maybe see about using some of the hours I've built up to leave early on Friday again. I shall try and focus on exciting things. Ragnarok (the apocalypse) is happening in a couple of weeks, which should be nice. That's why we've had all the floods. Then, assuming that Odin prevails against the fire giants and saves humanity, the Fureys, aka one of my favourite bands, are coming in Alnwick in nearly exactly a month's time. ALSO SWEDEN IN JUNE MUCH EMIGRATION SO COOL WOW.
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