I've decided my current 'recipe' for 'happiness' (I couldn't think of a way of putting it without sounding like a self-help book) is to properly plan, in advance, what I'm doing in my evenings after work. Previously I'd fallen into roughly the same routine each evening so it kind of felt like an extension of work, but my aim now is to look forward to my free time and thus enjoy it a bit more. I'm not doing anything especially different or exciting in the evenings – to be totally honest it's mostly gardening with occasional bouldering, but it's nice to have something to actively look forward to, even if currently, so much of my mind is taken up with thoughts of gardening that I've dreamt about potatoes for the last 3 nights running. Then when it starts getting darker earlier, I could plan evenings of reading Tony Benn's diaries, for example. I know the stuff that makes me happy, I just don't always enjoy it to the full.

I've moved some of the stronger-looking seedlings to the Big Bad World outside the greenhouse, not sure how that'll work out. I still have an almighty plethora of aubergines and a modest amount of tomatoes. Two cauliflowers (blue growbag in foreground of bottom picture) are doing really badly although I'm refusing to give up on them yet, two (green growbags to the left) are doing moderately well, having perked up after I held off watering them for a couple of weeks, and the King Cauliflower (other blue growbag) is doing well, even though I accidentally sat on it. I've got a little strawberry tower, too, that you can't see as the King Cauliflower's obscuring it, but the soil always seems to dry out like MEGA QUICKLY and I'm not sure why, but it's making the strawberries very unhappy. Sweet peas and honeysuckle are growing like maniacs. I bought a couple of mini cucumber plants today and put them in pots with some radishes, as I've heard they're good companion plants, although I'm not sure whether that applies to 'container gardens'. We'll see. Herbs (in the hessian hanging planter there) aren't doing very well but I think it's because I tried to grow them from seed in that planter, which has made them unhappy because it's pretty dark in the lower pockets. I might buy some herb plants when I'm back from celestial Sweden, maybe. OH and finally the potatoes are just mental. I'm just letting then have half the balcony so they can do their own thing.
I've been preparing a bit for Swedeholiday. Quite apart from my garden-based paranoia (even though I have lovely trolleagues lined up as gardensitters), I've got to organise MANY OTHER THINGS. I hadn't thought till today, but of course, I'll have to ensure I've got sufficient medication for when I'm there, as I love Swedefriends too much to subject them to an involuntary SSRI withdrawal.
Hopefully though, and this is a BIG hopefully, after I return from Sweden, if I'm still feeling roughly as well as I do now, I'll be able to reduce again, to 10mg. It'd be a nice step to take, and obviously after that, the next step is coming off them altogether! Then I'd have one fewer thing to plan before long holidays. Which isn't necessarily the main attraction. It'd be brilliant to be off prescription medication entirely. I'm taking it slowly, and I'm aware that of course, even if/when I come off medication, I'll have to be careful and I'll still have days where I'm very anxious/depressed/stressed/generally mad. I've made progress, though, I can see that. I'm not sure how much of it's attributable to the antidepressants, the slightly manic gardening, the proper canny friends, finally telling my parents, or a mix of all these, but I'm 'in a good place' at the moment. ARGH and I begin, and end this blog post by sounding like a self-help book.