14. If you won the lottery
I'm unlikely to win the lottery because I don't play it, and in fact, the older I get, the more convinced I am that it's not ethical and that it just exploits working people. See, I'm talking like an auld commie, but that is actually what I believe. Anyway, politics aside for a moment. If a sudden monetary windfall occurred, I'd spend some time selecting charities to donate to, in order to try and cancel out the guilt I'd feel at having won things. Then with the rest of my money, I'd build a replica VIIB U-Boat and LIVE IN IT. I'd also do all these things. I'd probably also do 'sensible' things like 'think about getting a mortgage', but that would scare me because even though I love Northumberland, I don't know whether I want to anchor myself to it like that. In a way, it's good that I won't win the lottery. TBH, while I'm not earning megabucks, I'm fairly content. I like paying taxes. I can afford occasional holidays. I don't have enough to do all the things I want straightaway, but that just makes it more fun when you finally get something you've saved up for. I don't think there's any point in wasting your 20s and 30s chasing huge amounts of wealth so you can relax when you're older. I'd rather be content like this for most of my life than working furiously hard for half of it, then doing nowt for the other half. THERE ARE NO POCKETS IN A SHROUD.

15. A timeline of your day
This will not be interesting. OK, I woke up from a nightmare about a supervisor at a previous job, then I cwtched up in bed and went on Facebook, because Thorleif the Nexus permits me to. I arose at about 7.45am, took me drugs and coffee, got dressed, switched BBC News on. Osborne's face was on the news. I wept. I made a full pot of coffee to take to work in my Thermos flask before realising I'd left the flask at work like an IDIOT. I faffed around before knocking on the door of my dear neighbour/colleague at 8.25am, and we trolled up the hill together, discussing our enthusiasm levels re. the working day ahead. Work was more or less a blur. I had the feeling that I constantly ate. I had 'breakfast', or a breakfast bar, at some point before 10am. I accidentally said 'writ' instead of 'wrote' and then felt obscurely embarrassed by my slip of the tongue, although I guess I work in an industry in which speaking standard English is important.  I assisted my brave fellow fire wardens in testing the fire alarm, which is a duty I relish. I've developed the bad habit of eating at my desk even if I don't actually need to work through lunch (I blame my previous job), so I didn't even really have lunchtime to break up the day and aid my memory of what actually happened today. I don't think I said anything amusingly stupid today (there is a roughly 50% chance of that happening on any given day). I spent an awful lot of time mentally planning out my allotment, which does not yet exist. We left work at a few minutes past 5, took a quick trip to Sainsburys, and then on arriving back to my house, I looked at my garden with some worry. My orchid (being grown indoors, natch) is not happy and is a bit wilty. Marnie's very unhappy and even the strawberry plants aren't well. However, the carrots are growing to some extent, so while they might be all tiny and thin, they are at least carrots, and the cauliflower is thriving for the moment. Then at around 6pm, my dear colleague/neighbour appeared perilously close to where I was watering my strawberries and asked if I'd like to go bouldering after all. After some deliberation I said yes (I was a bit concerned about The Spine of Woe), and that is where I'll head off to in about 10 mins. I then ate a microwaveable curry from Morrisons, which I do NOT often do but I'd bought it out of curiosity and lack of budget at the end of the month, and it was quite nice. Then I did the washing up. The future has not yet happened (there we go, that's my stupid statement of the day) but I can predict it. I will probably return in just over an hour, tired but happier after ranting with my bouldering buddies, will have a shower, watch the last episode of the amusing 'Touch of Cloth' on my Nexus and then go on Facebook some more.

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